Tuesday, August 18, 2009

if you would have asked me 5 years ago ...

... i would have thought i would either have a kid, or at least be pregnant at this point in my life. now that thought scares me! my how things have changed!

tonight while going through my daily blog roll, i was hit with an overwhelming sense of sadness. this might be hard to explain but bare with me ...

one of my best friends, crystal, is pregnant and embarking on this crazy, wonderful, & amazing journey of parenthood with her wonderful hubby, tommy. it's hard to believe sometimes that we are old enough to be married, paying rent, and working real jobs, let alone be thinking about having children!
so cute & preggers!

pete & i are very clear on the fact that niether of us are ready to have children just yet. there are a bunch of reason why we feel this way, but if it were to happen tomorrow, we would be excited none the less. but for now we're content on being just pete & bekah. although i'm happy with our current situation, i can't lie & say i don't have a touch of baby fever. i get excited when i imagine what he or she would look like, what names we would choose, and what type of parents would we be. seeing alot of my friends having babies on facebook & seeing so many babies & pregnant ladies at work, i can't help but wonder.
one of the best bridesmaids ever!

now with that being said, after reading crystal's blog entry tonight i was overcome by sadness. i wish i was in texas experiencing all of this with her & tommy. i was so excited (&honored) when she called and told me she was pregnant & then again when they found out they were having a boy. i've followed her blog & facebook filled with photos, and the descriptions my mom would give me when she saw her at church. i can't tell you how happy i am for her (&toms). i just wish i was there! i wish i could have been at her baby shower, helped with baby zane's room, and see her growing belly. i know it sounds crazy to say i'm sad, but i can't seem to think of another adjective to describe how i feel right now. i'm sad for myself that i'm missing out on these amazing life changing things in her life, because her & i have experienced many life changing experiences together. (it happens when you've been friends since 5th grade!)
i think this is when we were in 8th grade, south oaks fall festival

luckily, her due date is september 10th & i will be in texas! i'm so hoping that zane will come before or while i'm in town so i can meet him. (haha because its all about me, kidding!)
i can't remember where this was taken, but i'm pretty sure we were either junior or seniors in high school

it's funny how different our lives are & how different they are from what we talked about & imagined they would be like. there is a huge part of me that wishes that pete & i lived in texas. that i was surrounded by my friends & family, and not relying on facebook for daily updates. but of course, i'm not so sure i would change how everything has played out either. its kinda funny, i'm reaching that age of where enough time has passed to see what is & what could have been.

even though i am sad for myself in this moment, i couldn't be anymore excited & ready to see her in september. so get ready crystal! ( & zane!) love you xoxo

Now Playing: Cobra Starship - "Pete Wentz is the Reason We're Famous"


Liesl said...

I totally understand! I feel the same way about Jen, Stephen and Elizabeth living so far away.

hampton said...

aww i felt that way when lindsay was preggz with jillian and i was in nyc. i think that mixed bag of emotions is pretty normal, especially when you and crystal have been in each others lives so long. and there is a huge part of me that wishes you and pete lived in texas too ;) miss you dude!

don't get pregnant.

Tommy & Crystal said...

Awww... Bekah!! So sweet! I do wish that you had been here to experience all of this with me. I think you would have been entertained by my crazy pregnancy moments (throwing up in restaurant bathrooms, yelling at Tommy for turning the air conditioner down in the car, and so on and so forth...). It has been hard for me to have several of my greatest friends live so far away and not be able to be part of the daily stuff with this big milestone, but I know you are thinking about us in NJ, so that helps. I am so excited to get to see you in a couple of weeks. Zane will be so excited to meet you! We love you Bekah!!!